


More Time

by CasTheWormstache



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-27
Updated: 2014-03-27
Packaged: 2018-01-17 06:29:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1377319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CasTheWormstache/pseuds/CasTheWormstache
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel has figured out a way to save heaven but that includes sacrificing himself.  He has never feared death but he is afraid he will not have enough time to tell his favorite human how much he really means to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	More Time

**Author's Note:**

> This is set on season 9. Not much else to tell you besides I will not be mentioning the Mark of Cain or how Cas fixes heaven cause if they have no clue how to do it, how would I?

"What are you doing?" Dean asked as Cas sat on the floor of the bunkers library. He didn't know how he got like that but he didn't have enough energy to move. He closed his eyes; his feet now spread in front of him, as he then fell back so he can lie down against the cold ground. The only response he gave Dean was an annoyed groan. "How long have you been here?"

Dean continued and Cas can feel Dean's warmth as he sat down besides Cas head. Cas wanted to peek out and look at his friend but he didn't know what will happen if he did, he didn't know if he will be able to say the words if he looked at his favorite human. So Cas just laid there with his eyes shut closed as if he can just fall asleep, he misses sleep, but he was to aware. To awake.

"Fine." Dean huffed out and Cas can just imagine Dean's frustrated expression as he hears Dean shuffling besides him. "Don't talk but remember when you wanna talk later..." Dean patted Cas forehead. "I'll be in my room."

Cas heard Dean sit up and then suddenly he was cold again. Dean took the warmth he brought and Cas didn't know what to do anymore. He felt sick, cold, and -as much as he knew he wasn't- he felt alone. He knew he had Dean to talk to and even Sam would listen but that's not what he wanted. What he wanted was more time.

More time to spend in this bunker the Winchester now call home.

More time to learn as much as he could about humans.

More time to help the Winchesters with their problems, mentally or physically.

More time to travel.

More time to try new foods as a human.

He wanted to be human again even if he will miss his wings.

But most of all Cas wanted more time with Dean.

He wanted to finally tell Dean his thoughts and tell him how much Dean meant to him. He wanted to be by his side and officially become part of the family. He wanted to help him, take away his nightmares, make him smile because it’s the one smile that brightens up his existence, and he wanted to feel Dean's warmth again.

But time was now slipping and Cas had no time to do anything he wanted to do. He couldn't travel with Dean and he would never be able to have his own room in the bunker. He would never learn how to make breakfast for the brothers or even make Dean a pie. He will never be able to stay with the family that adopted him and that pains him more than anything.

Cas sighed finally opening his eyes to stare up at the ceiling of the bunker. He wanted to learn every corner from his _Once-Upon-A-Time_ home but he didn't have time to waste. He got up and walked towards where he could hear Dean's music playing. With a fist ready to knock he took a deep breath before he knocked twice.

He heard the music turn down, footsteps walk towards the door, and then the door opened to see Dean smile at him. "Hey there Cas."

"Hello Dean." It was all he can say before Dean took a side step to let him in. Cas walked into the room and he quickly took everything in to save in his memory. This is where he wanted to be and this is who he wanted to stay with. Cas walked to the lonely seat in the room and it felt familiar enough as he took a seat.

"So what," Dean said closing the door and then walked towards Cas with a beer in his hand he motioned to Cas. "You ready to talk now?"

Cas nodded his eyes finally meeting the bright green ones he became so familiar with. Since they first meet Cas really didn't change -the most drastic change was probably losing his tie- while Dean looked so much older. His worry lines have deepened, the bags under his eyes were not as bad as Castiel's himself but they were still there from the restless nights, his freckles are clearly showing now, the fact he wasn't shaving much anymore made him look much older also but the part that made him look older were his eyes. The bright green showed wisdom from age but Castiel can clearly see the pain in them. Right now though they were filled with worry as Dean looked at Cas, for a second Dean stopped and looked at Cas lips, his eyes darting from Cas eyes to the floor waiting for Cas to talk.

"I'm sorry Dean." Was all Cas could manage to say while looking at Dean. He quickly looked away and instead looked at his hands on his lap as if they were more interesting than the human in front him. Cas closed his eyes tightly as he felt a warm heavy hand on his shoulder.

"Cas." Was all Dean said but Cas knew that Dean was asking for Cas to look at him. He couldn't.

"You have to forgive me Dean. Please." Cas said and he felt a strange knot in his stomach and a huge lump in his throat that made it harder for him to talk but he ignored them as he kept his eyes on his hands. "I know I don't deserve it, not from you or anybody else, but your forgiveness means more than anybody else's. I can live with them not forgiving me for all the bad I done but I can't... _live_ knowing you have not forgiven me. Not you Dean."

Castiel tried his best to sound strong, maybe even brave but his usual calm voice betrayed him in the word live because Castiel knew that's not what he was going to do.

"Cas just look at me damn it!" Dean said in frustration, Castiel almost smiled. He wanted this voice, his voice to be the last thing he heard. He will play it in his head like a recording if he had to because for Cas, Dean's voice was soothing. Even when he is angry it made Cas feel much better, calmer even, but right now was not the time to go off in a daydream. Castiel looked up to see Dean standing so close with both his hands on either shoulder of Castiel's and his face looking down at him so he could really meet his eyes. Cas wanted to just pull Dean in and just cover himself in the hunters warmth and scent of motor oil, leather, wood, and yet some sort of citrus of maybe his soap. This is Dean and Cas was going to miss it, he stored the familiar scent in his mind for later also.

"Now you are gonna talk to me, got it?" Dean said and Cas nodded looking up at the green eyes but he can see Dean's worry line in between his eyebrows go deeper and Cas just wanted to smooth it away with his thumb.

"I didn't want to worry you-" Cas started and Dean rolled his eyes.

"Cas you know you can talk to me about anything. If you need help or if there is problem I'm here for you buddy so don't worry about that anymore." Dean patted one of Cas shoulder. "I will always be by your side you know that."

Those words made Cas flinch because he knew Dean meant them. He has said it before, worded differently, that he will always pick Cas no matter what -cursed or not. Cas remember those words, even if he was crazy, because those words gave him hope of forgiveness but he was never given the exact words and he needs to hear them. But now that he thinks about it he cannot tell Dean the truth because he knows Dean will only try to stop him. Knowing what he knows about his future he didn't want Dean to have the same one.

But how can his last conversation with Dean be a lie? He needed to protect him but at the same time he needed his trust.

"I know that Dean." Cas sighed and stood up not calculating if there was enough space for him to do so. His nose was almost touching Dean's and he can feel the hunters warm breathe on his lips. Thankfully Dean took a step back so Cas could think once again. "And I am very grateful for having you as a friend-"

"You breaking up with me?" Dean smiled and Castiel knew it was intended as a joke on their relationship but Cas simply nodded because that is still exactly what he was doing. This was a goodbye. "Wait, what? Are you serious?"

Cas saw Dean confused expression, he put his beer down in the closes surface he could find and looked back at Cas. "I am sorry Dean."

"You're sorry? For what ditching me? Ditching Sam?!" Dean raised his voice as his hands started to go into fist but it wasn't anger that Cas saw in his eyes, it was pain. Castiel didn't want to be the cause of the pain and he knew Dean had this abandonment problem but this had to be done. "You...you just-" Dean ran a hand down his face pinching the bridge of his nose before he covers his mouth with a hand as he shook his head.

"Dean." Cas said as he noticed Dean was going through a list in his head of everyone he lost. "You have to let me go. It's my choice and it's what has to be done."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Dean said finally focusing on Cas.

"I am..." The words were harder to say than he thought. "I believe I would be dead by tomorrow night."

Dean froze for a second or two before anger filled him this time, his freckled cheeks turning red. "Dead? Why the hell will you be dead?!"

"I may have found a way to restore heaven but I must go back with them all and...I am positive they will kill me for the mess I have made." Cas sighed and he felt tired once again but what was still bothering him was the stupid lump in his throat. "It is what I deserve and as much as I regret not being able to be with you or Sam any longer I have to do this."

Cas couldn't look at Dean any longer but he saw the hunter was still standing in the same position so Cas decided to continue.

"That's why I asked for your forgiveness. I don't fear dying but I am just sadden I do not get to work much longer for your forgiveness. That I would not be able to spend any more time with you and see you in a regular bases. I was really looking forward to one day, with your permission of course, to move in here. To continue my training as a hunter. To just..." Cas took a deep breath before he said the words. "Be a part of your family."

Cas wasn't sure he was crying but he saw the wet spots fall and hit the ground or his shoes. He started to wipe his eyes when he felt a strong hold around his shoulder and a tight grip on his jacket from behind. Cas recognize the gesture and he relaxed himself, gave himself permission to just enjoy the moment. He ducked his head into Dean’s neck as he wrapped his arms around Dean and gripped him tight because Cas was afraid of letting him go. The idea still pained him and the knot in his stomach was making itself known again. Cas felt the loss of air which was odd since he really didn't need to breath it was just something he felt was normal, human of him to do so, but now the air was fading. He took a deep breath and what came out was a sob. It surprised him then but now that he heard it he couldn't stop himself. He held into Dean and sobbed into his neck because this was goodbye. The future Cas has wanted, has dreamed about, was now gone. It was just like a fairytale but the old one's where instead of happily ever after we have little red riding hood eaten by the wolf.

Plus the man he loved was in his arms and there was only one way to save him, his own death.

Cas didn't noticed when Dean has sat them down on the bed until it got awkward to hug Dean. He pulled away then and saw Dean’s watery eyes. He gave Dean a smile and wiped the tears off his cheek.

Dean took a hold of Cas face then. "Cas, you are a part of our family. You always have been even when I was the ass who kicked you out."

"I-"

"Just shut up Cas because if you paid attention then you should know you were forgiven a long time ago. That you really never needed it because you are family Cas and I need you here. Heck, I wanted you to stay for so long! But I knew you were busy." Dean closed his eyes and laid his forehead with Cas own which surprised him but he didn't comment knowing Dean wasn't done. "And there is no way you are leaving! I lost you so many times already Cas and I am not making the same damn mistake again."

He knew Dean wouldn't have let him go but he didn't come for Dean's permission. He had some last words that had to be said.

"Dean," Cas started and Dean pulled away just enough to look at Cas face. Dean's hands now rested on either side of Cas jacket, gripping it thigh as if to remind Cas to stay. As if he was strong enough to hold him back. Cas wished Dean had enough strength because he really didn't want to leave him. Now was as good as any to say, "I love you."

Dean froze then and Cas felt the grip on his jacket loosen for a second before it became stronger. He saw Dean's knuckles turn white as Dean's face looked absolutely broken.

"You...what?" Dean asked as if that was the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard. "How can you...you know- Why me? I mean you’re an angel and you’re so powerful, why me?"

"Because you’re Dean." Was all Cas can say. It was true. There is nobody else out there like the man that was holding on to him as if for dear life. Cas never meet anybody as strong, smart, caring, and filled with so much self-loathing before. He never meet someone who could break apart over and over again to only fix himself right up. He never meet someone who can spit out stupid comebacks to the enemy while they had a gun at his head. He never meet anyone who was so stupid to sell their damn soul to just bring his brother back. He never meet someone who has sacrificed so much since being a child just so others can have a life. Dean was Dean and Castiel just fell for the self loathing man because he knew Dean was worth more than anybody else.

His soul was still just as bright as those green eyes.

Dean looked at Cas as if searching for answers but Cas could only give him a small pathetic excuse for a smile. Dean gave him a smile back, it was small but Cas locked it away so he can remember, before he pulled Cas into another tight embrace.

"And you're Cas." Dean said his warm breath ticking Cas neck. He closed eyes enjoying the warmth but then his neck burned up as he felt a pair of lips leave a small kiss. "Cas?"

"Yes Dean?"

"You're my angel right?"

Cas smiled and he nodded as he ran a hand through the hunters hair, holding him as close as this awkward position can let them. "Yes. Yes, I am your angel."

Dean chuckled and Cas wanted to hold Dean closer so he moved them to lie down on the bed. Dean didn't mind as he tucked himself under Cas chin and wrapped an arm around Cas waist and their legs tangled. Cas hid his face in Deans hair wanting this moment to never end.

"I know that whatever I say will not change your mind but I'm gonna try anyways. Cas, I-"

"Dean please don't say you love me."

"But-"

"Please Dean. I don't want to remember those words. I don't want those words to echo in my head. I am prepared to die but the idea of you feeling the same, of you saying those words, makes me not want to go." Cas said and he loosened his grip on Dean as Dean sat up on his elbow to look at Cas in the eyes again. "It's better this way."

"No. It's not." Dean said looking at Cas with such a warm look. "Any plan where it ends with you dead is not a good one."

They didn't say anything for a whole minute as they started at each other, Cas was positive Dean was doing the same thing as Cas was, remembering every mark or curve in each other’s faces. Cas counted each freckle once again.

"Can I just have this one night?" Cas finally asked.

"Is that your dying wish?"

"It is."

"Then no because you are not dying. I won't let you." Dean said with such determination that Cas could feel the knot in his stomach again but he ignored it this time as he figured out one other thing he wanted to taste before he left.

He stretched his neck just enough for his lips to graze against Dean's. The warmth was now a burning sensation as it traveled his body. He pulled away just in case it made Dean uncomfortable but he was pulled back in by Dean who gripped his hair with his now free arm and brought Cas down with him.

There mouth moved fast and a bit sloppy as their teeth clanked together a few times but that didn't stop them. Cas tasted the familiar taste of alcohol in Dean's mouth and it tasted so much better than any beer he ever had. He was almost on top of Dean but he stayed on the side as his hands traveled Dean’s body. He touched his chest slowly and softly as Dean shivered under his touch. A moan that escaped Dean's mouth disappeared between Cas lips as Cas hesitantly moved a hand to grip Dean's ass.

Cas only thought was Dean. _Dean_. **_Dean_** _._

He moved his lips down the hunters jaw and down his neck leaving marks every where his mouth touched but he soothed them with his tongue as he moved down towards the hunters collar bone.

"Take off this shirt." Cas growled and he didn't know where it came from but he didn't have time to analyze it. He wanted Dean right now.

Dean quickly sat up enough to just take off his shirt and smirked down at Cas. "Your turn."

Cas wanted to kiss that smirk away but he quickly took off his coat and then his other layers, throwing them on the floor of his favorite hunters bedroom. As soon as they were naked from the waist up they brought their lips together once more, the kiss slower this time. Dean ran his hands through Cas hair for a while before going down his back, Cas shivered at the warm touch. The kiss was less sloppy as they seemed to get each other’s rhythm quickly. It was Cas who let out a moan when Dean bit down on Cas lower lip and pulled gently.

"I have to say it Cas."

"Dean. Please." Cas begged as Dean pushed Cas gently on his back so Dean could straddle him. Dean looked down at Cas for a second before he started to press gentle kisses on Cas chest.

"But I got to." Dean argued as Cas closed his eyes just feeling the warmth burn him, this was a pleasant fire that burned him. "I never wanted to before but with you it's just dying to come out!"

Cas sighed, it was more of a groan, "Fine Dean! Say it!"

Dean chuckled and looked up to meet Cas eyes. He smiled and Cas couldn't help but to smile back. "I love you Cas."

Cas knew those words would break him, he knew those words would make him want to stay but now he had a bigger reason to go. He had to save the man he loves because after this maybe Dean could have a real life, apple pie life as he says. He could meet a nice woman and have a family of his own and Sam would be safe so he wouldn't have to worry. Cas just had to be strong enough and he was.

"I love you Dean." Cas told him. "That's why I have to get going."

Dean's face fell and Cas wanted to look away but he needed to see every second he can of Dean's face.

"I love you. I'll miss you. And this is goodbye." Cas said as Dean tried his best to pin Cas to where he was but it made no difference. "Please tell Sam that I send my farewells. Tell him thank you from me."

"Cas." Deans voice was broken as tears escaped his eyes again. "Don't do this! Just stay here!"

"I can't."

"We can find another way!"

"It's the only way."

"Damn it Cas! We can fix this!"

"It's not broken Dean." Cas smiled at Dean remembering once again. "Not anymore. Goodbye."

He kissed Dean one last time but before either of them can pull away Cas disappeared from the room, taking his clothes with him. He wanted so much to wash every memory of himself away from the brothers but the idea of them not remembering him at all just hurt. It wasn't as painful as losing them, losing Dean.

He made the right choice.

Days later, he could still hear Dean praying to him every second of the battle, it got louder and louder even as Cas tried to tune it out. Dean's voice made him stronger though, it gave him a reason to get back up as he fought and when it came down to it it gave him something to listen to as his stolen grace slowly leaks out of him.

The good news he did it.

The bad news Dean's voice was now gone and it was just silent.

~

Dean has been pacing the bunker and he has done just about anything to try to get Cas back. Nothing has worked. Sam has been looking through books for spells and trying to reassure Dean but he knew Cas was gone.

After the fifth day of no response Dean finally gave up. Sam was fast asleep and Dean was in their kitchen making some more coffee when it finally hit him that Cas was gone. He punched the wall feeling his knuckles break but he didn't care. He was furious and in so much pain he wanted to just claw out of his skin if he could. Instead he made a mess in the kitchen before he finally fell to his knees in the shattered glass at his feet.

"Dean!" He heard Sam call out for him but Dean wasn't sure anymore as he tried his best to not cry. He hid his face in his hands ignoring the burning sensation in his hand and knees. "Dean?"

Dean looked up to see his brother standing in the doorway watching him. "He's gone Sammy. Cas is just...gone."

Sam didn't say anything and instead helped Dean up to walk him to his room. Dean was tired from the lack of sleep and let his brother half drag him to bed.

"Just get some rest." Sam said but he saw Dean's hand and frowned. "I'll wrap it up."

Dean didn't respond and just closed eyes but the only thing he saw were Cas blue eyes staring back at him. Instead he watched as his brother wrapped up his officially broken hand and then Sam gave him some pain meds to take. Dean was sure they were sleeping pills because next thing he knows he woke up in the tangled mess of his sheets.

He got up from bed knowing if he didn't get up now he never would and headed towards the kitchen to clean up the mess he knows was waiting for him.

When he got there he noticed it was all clean up so instead decided to make breakfast for Sam before he woke up. An apology of sorts.

He was almost done with the last few pancakes as the bacon rest on top of the eggs he just finished making when he heard the bunker door open.

"Heya Sammy! I made breakfast." Dean called out and he heard footsteps walk towards him so he continued to talk as he flipped the pancake. "I'm sorry about last night. I was a mess and I made a mess but I'm fine. Well as fine as I'll ever get. What I'm trying to say is-"

Dean turned back to face Sam but instead meets a face he didn't think he will ever see again.

"Hello Dean."

"Cas." Dean said in one breath but he figured he was just officially crazy. Or maybe it was ghost? "How-"

"I called Sam last night, I tried calling you but Sam said you broke your cell," Dean blushed from embarrassment but didn't take his eyes away from Cas. "He picked me up from the hospital I woke up from and now I'm here."

"How?" Dean asked again because he couldn't believe it. "You said-"

"I am just as surprised as you are when I woke up with no wings or anything."

"You're human now?" Dean asked and he noticed he was taking small steps towards Cas as he got closer.

"Fully." Cas said and he didn't sound sad about it as he also smiled.

Dean had a lot more questions, he wanted answers, but right now he could care less because he now has Cas in his arms. He was warm and he feels the same which makes Dean hide his face in Cas neck.

"Am I still your angel Dean?" Cas asked and Dean gave out a laugh between a sob that wanted to come out.

"Yeah. Yeah Cas. You're my angel." He gently took Cas face and kissed him.

"Guys?" Dean hears Sam after a few good minutes of Cas and Dean making out in the kitchen. "You mind not doing that in here."

Dean smiled at Sam not being able to help it and he wraps his good hand around Cas neck and kisses his forehead. "Sit down Cas. I made breakfast." Dean said and Cas smiled at him before he took a seat in their small table and where Sam was now sitting. Dean took the plates over to them and got everything before he took a seat himself. "Now tell us what happened."


End file.
